I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
