where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
