Welp...herpes.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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