Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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