I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
