So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize