Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
