Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
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