i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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