So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
