Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
