just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
