so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
There are leaves in my underwear?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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