Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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