no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
All I want is dick and wine.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
