Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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