saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
