I molested 6 butterflies tonight
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
