...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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