Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
