I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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