hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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