My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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