He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
