I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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