I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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