Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Let's get the cat blown out
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
