That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
