Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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