Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
