i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
