If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
