I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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