i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
