Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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