Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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