You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
