Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
