Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
