When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
