she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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