Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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