turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
