he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
