I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
