that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
