I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize