Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Green mimosas i think yes
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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