please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
