it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize