I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
