My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
