I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
We were destined to go to rehab together
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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