Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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