That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
