Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
