i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I need to align my fucking chakras
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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