Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
