They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
