just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
