My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize