Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
