Can Purell be used as lube?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
third nipple confirmed
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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