Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
