Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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