R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
