Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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