so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
