just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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