woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
The best revenge is premature balding
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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