How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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