We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
