Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
