I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
