I think my fart just growled at me.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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