id be glad to
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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