he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
