I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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