So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize