I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I will be naked everywhere
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
